


Midnight Blue Rendezvous

by poiintless_writing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Choking, Fighting counts as flirting right?, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Help, I Keep Adding Tags, I guess???, Implied Sexual Content, Kindaaa, Listen it was implied in the comic, M/M, Mild Smut, Minor Violence, Post-Sburb, The Homestuck Epilogues, The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat, Two Boys Being Dumb About Their Feelings, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-04-12 05:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19125373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poiintless_writing/pseuds/poiintless_writing
Summary: Jake was polishing his guns when there was a knock on the door. It was an odd time to have any visitors, at exactly midnight. Jane would most assuredly be asleep, unless there some emergency conference she needed to attend with some of the more nocturnal species. Roxy might have come over? Jake had been awoken on occasion by them when they were unable to sleep, but usually that was only if Calliope was unavailable. There was only one person who would regularly knock on his door at exactly midnight.“Dirk.” Jake said by way of greeting, opening the door to reveal his tall toned form.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! Yknow I read the candy route in full first and now I'm in the middle of the meat route and I may have stumbled on some information that kinda inspired me to write this?? Mostly my 16 year old self kinda took the reigns here so thanks for giving me this Hussie boi!  
> For the moment this is a oneshot but I'm toying with the idea of adding more chapters, we'll see where the wind takes me I guess.  
> But!!!! Enjoy huns x
> 
> (The title is from a poem I read, "Midnight Blue Rendezvous"-Patricia Gale )

Jake was polishing his guns when there was a knock on the door. It was an odd time to have any visitors, at exactly midnight. Jane would most assuredly be asleep, unless there some emergency conference she needed to attend with some of the more nocturnal species. Roxy might have come over? Jake had been awoken on occasion by them when they were unable to sleep, but usually that was only if Calliope was unavailable. There was only one person who would regularly knock on his door at exactly midnight.  
  
“Dirk.” Jake said by way of greeting, opening the door to reveal his tall toned form. Jake swallowed. “What brings you here my good pal?”  
  
Jake knew what he usually wanted, but Dirk never outright stated it, he never even asked it aloud, not that Jake had yet to want to say no. There was also a first step they took, a warm up to Dirks true intentions. Dirk took out his sword with a powerful flick of his wrist. “Wanna spar?” Jake took in the man before him, his hair was disheveled, probably from another late night working on his robots, the tell-tale signs being the oil stains on his tank top and greased fingers. He smelt like fused metal and smoke. Jake hadn’t been drinking tonight but he felt intoxicated.  
  
Jake still held the pistol in his hand when he went to answer the door and so waved it in the air with a cocky smile, sticking out a hip. It was his idea of a power pose, maybe it wasn’t particularly intimidating but it never failed to make Dirk’s lips twitch, almost betraying a smirk. That to him was an assertion of his dominance. Dirk’s glasses were still firmly in place but Jake knew where his eyes were wandering, he could feel the heat from his gaze crawling up every inch of his skin. “Lucky for you, I just finished polishing these babies.”  
  
Neither dwelled on the implications of this. When had Jake started intentionally staying awake, preparing himself for these interactions? He wasn’t sure, but he definitely didn’t want to start asking himself difficult questions like ‘why’.  
  
The night began like always, Dirk lunged first, attempting to tackle Jake but he was expecting it and dodged out of the way, catching Dirk and instead throwing him to the floor. Dirk quickly recovered by rolling and jumped back onto his feet, surprisingly nimble for someone of his height and build. They circled eachother, assessing which strategy would be the wisest. Jake subtly cocked his gun and held onto it with both hands. He was better when he had both his twins but it would be waste of his attention to try and grab it now, besides these spars were helping him to be more proficient with just one, combo-ing his attacks with his hands. He enjoyed simple fisticuffs but he rarely combined it with his gun attacks. It threw off his balance, or at least, it used to.  
  
Dirk stopped circling suddenly and stood up, his stance changing to a more relaxed pose, his hands never left the hilt of his sword though. Jake knew it was a trap, Dirk wanted him to loosen up to so he could... body slam him maybe? Dirk was fast, if Jake let his guard down even slightly it would leave him open to countless number of attacks. If Jake wanted to win this fight, he’d have to fight dirty, get Dirk to let his guard down properly. It would be risky, but an idea came to Jake.  
  
“What are you waiting for Dirk?” Jake taunted flicking his hair out of his face. He licked his lips and dropped his voice a few octaves, _“Scared to come and get me?”_  
  
The affect was instantaneous on Dirk. “Oh you’re going _down_ Jake.” He growled out and attacked, over and over, his body moved so fast Jake could only try to doge the blurs of movement he saw in front of him. If he could just hold out- a little while longer- Now!  
  
Dirk stumbled mid attack, worn down from his onslaught, and Jake wasted no time parrying his attack and pushing Dirk away from him, before diving back, putting space between them both and firing his pistol with perfect precision mid-air. The felt bullets did not collide softly with Dirks face but they bounced off him and onto the floor.  
  
Dirk let out a surprised laugh and rubbed at the spots the bullets had collided with. “Glad to see you’re improving Jake, but that was just harsh.”  
  
“At least I’m not shooting you with those donkey wobblers you’re so fond of!” Jake quipped back and reloaded his pistol. The following hour passed in the same way, pushing eachother to their limits, neither managing to get the upper hand.  
  
During one of the first nights this began happening Jake was taken completely offguard and had his ass handed to himself in no more than five minutes. Dirk had managed to pin him down, his sword hovering dangerously close to Jake’s neck. So close that when Jake swallowed he could feel it press so firmly against his adam’s apple he was certain it had cut him. But Dirk didn’t move an inch, they both knew he had no intention to properly harm Jake. All awkward history aside, they were still friends. Sometimes... they were maybe more? Jake wasn’t sure what they were, what was happening slowly between them. He still hadn’t realised yet why Dirk had come over that evening at exactly midnight to spar, waking him up from his, albeit light, slumber.  
  
They stayed like that on the floor for a few moments, Dirk’s expression was unreadable, as it was known to almost always be, but the air around them felt charged, bursting with some energy neither were entirely sure what to do with. Jake felt a shiver run down his spine, a cold contrasting feeling to Dirk’s breath on his face. Dirk swallowed thickly but still didn’t move. Was he waiting for Jake? Seeing what he might do next? Jake had no idea what to do next, but his hands seemed to have a plan of their own.  
  
Jake’s fingers shook as he raised his hands to Dirk’s face. They hesitated for a couple of seconds before landing on Dirk’s glasses. It was a silent question and Dirk didn’t respond to it which Jake took to mean he wasn’t yet crossing a line, and peeled the glasses gently off of his nose and away from his face.  
  
Jake’s breath hitched as Dirk’s orange eyes stared back at him, vulnerable but determined. There was nothing uncertain about him, he was only waiting for Jake’s answer to his very own silent question Jake only now understood he had been asking the entire time. Dirk wasn’t afraid of asking for what he wanted, but he wasn’t interested in saying anything he considered to be unnecessary. He wanted Jake to figure it out himself. He’d provided the opportunity and left the ball wordlessly in Jake’s court. He knew now that if he wanted to get anywhere with Jake, he’d have to find the perfect balance of just enough rough force but keeping it on Jake’s terms.  
  
Jake licked his lips. Dirk’s eyes flicked down to follow the motion. Jake’s heart flipped uncontrollably at the sight. It was an experience so new to Jake and it scared him, that such a small thing could invoke such a strong reaction from him. That Dirk could invoke such a strong reaction from him. He thought he was over his romantic feelings for Dirk by now.  
  
Jake was so deeply lost in thought he hadn’t even noticed he was inching closer to Dirk, pushing himself off the floor. Dirk mirrored his movements, ensuring his blade wouldn’t harm Jake. Eventually they were impossibly close and Dirk lowered his sword entirely. Jake hoped noone heard the fighting, even if it was only for a minute, and came to inspect the cause, otherwise they’d walk in on a very intimate scene; Dirk straddling Jake’s hips, leaning slightly down towards him as Jake raised himself up on his elbows. Soon the distance became unbearable and Jake threw himself forward, crashing their lips together with as much care as he could manage.  
  
At first the kiss was sloppy due to Jake’s over-eagerness, but Dirk placed his hand on Jake’s neck,pushing him away not so gently, but not unpleasantly Jake realised.“Slow down and keep your tongue in check dude.” Dirk gasped out. Jake was far too distracted to be hurt by the criticism, all his attention currently was devoted to the feeling of Dirk’s fingers wrapped around his neck. Jake nodded, however, managing out a quiet breathy, “Sorry about that chap.” Dirk seemed to notice Jake’s absent tone and quirked an eyebrow, experimentally tightening his hand. Jake couldn’t help the whine that escaped his mouth at the feeling, his eyes fluttering closed momentarily.  
  
They both learned a lot about eachother that night as things escalated, desperate hands grasping desperate bodies. They moved like two cogs in a machine, grinding together and pushing eachother around in harmony. They fit almost perfectly, a surprise to both of them.  
  
It wasn’t that they hadn’t fooled around some when they were together during Sburb, they were two teenagers in a rushed relationship, in the midst of what quickly turned from a war to the apocalypse. They had some tensions they needed relieving, but the interactions never went particularly far. Jake couldn’t stop himself from running away when things got too heavy, just like he ran away when their relationship became too much. Dirk’s overbearing presence bothered him in casual situations, and that feeling of unease and entrapment was only heightened when he was trying to get Jake out of his clothing.  
  
Now.. things seemed easier. They’d both grown over the previous few years, Jake was more accustomed to being around people, he no longer felt jittery after spending more than an hour with his friends and he could walk through the streets without a hand glued to his holsters. He hadn’t realised Dirk had grown up so much too. He was still the same controlling Dirk he always was, keeping his fingers kept warm in every metaphorical pie he could. But he had changed from a puppet master to a man who simply... worried for his friends. He was opinionated with relatively good intentions, when they happened to align with yours that was. He was the same as when he was 17, only now with some more tact and a gentler approach.  
  
Jake liked this other side to him that was beginning to crack through. He was now manager only of their shared tv-show, the rest of Jake’s life he left relatively alone apart from the occasional surprise spars. Jake liked how things had settled between them. He didn't want this one night to ruin things, but when Dirk finally left his home after 4am, a small smile ghosting his lips, and his glasses in his hands, Jake didn’t really feel like anything had been ruined at all. There was no regret in his heart as he bumped knuckles with Dirk and said goodnight.  
  
The midnight calls got more frequent over time, subtly changing from every couple months to every third or second week, and now it was near weekly. Jake was getting progressively better at telling when he could be expecting a visit from Dirk by his attitude during their shows. They were subtle differences; he was a little harsher during their televised fights, his quips a touch hotter than usual. Nothing that would hurt Jake but he learnt, not exactly quickly but over time that it meant that Dirk was feeling tense and more often than not a midnight session was what he needed to fix it.  
  
That was how Jake found himself staying up until midnight polishing his guns, telling himself he wasn’t waiting for Dirk, simply making good use of the evening by showing his beloved weaponry a bit of TLC. But when Dirk managed to get the upper-hand, as he always did, and when Jake didn’t hesitate before tugging Dirk down by the collar to meet his lips, he knew there was only one reason why he had stayed awake, why he was paying extra attention to Dirk’s behaviors. Jake had wanted this just as badly.  
  
_Fuck_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh. So I guess I wrote just like.. a tiny bit more.... Whoops! Ngl I'm picturing Dirk as a much better person in his older years than he actually is in the epilogues. People can dream yknow??  
> Haha anyway, here's another chapter! I might keep writing even more??? i'm kinda feeling this but!! Any and all comments are super appreciated! You got bad things to say, good things to say... anything to say.. feel free! I'd love to hear x

“So...” Jake started and immediately stopped. He wasn’t great at talking. That much was made painfully obvious whenever he attempted comforting his friends or whenever there was a topic that needed discussion. He just always seemed to miss the mark, no matter how hard he tried to stay focused on the topic. He’d been called self absorbed countless times over the years, usually by Dirk when he tried explaining to Jake why Jane or one of the others was mad at him. Jake didn’t think he was self absorbed... He just wasn’t sure how to properly understand other peoples feelings in a situation. The only thing he could ever be aware of was how _he_ felt and he wanted to convey that to his conversation partner, using his own personal experiences to relate and help others. It rarely seemed to end too well though... Now that Jake was thinking about it properly, when was the last time anyway tried talking to him about an issue? Was he really so self-absorbed that his friends had grown tired of him? Was he nothing but an unbelievable ass? The billboards that had been erected in his honour seemed to think so.  
  
Jake didn’t want to mess _this_ conversation up, though, so he took his time and gathered his thoughts. Why had he come here? Mostly it was an impulsive action, Jake had just been running a few errands in town and happened to see a light on in the apartment. The idea of calling over had been on his mind for the past while but he never made a plan to actively make the journey. Seeing the light in the distance, however, seemed like a sign, and he was but a mere moth attracted to it’s beckoning. He hadn’t even planned what he wanted to say when he knocked on the door, his heart hammering in his chest.  
  
_Be brave Jake English_ , he told himself, _you’ve faced worse_. But no amount of pep-talking prepared him for how he felt when Dirk opened the door, wearing his usual jeans and a loose t-shirt with a ‘My Little Pony’ logo on the front. Jake told himself the queasy feeling that was settling in his stomach was due to the sight of the shirt alone. He’d never understand Dirk’s enjoyment of the show, but to each their own Jake figured. No-one seemed to get Jake’s attraction to particularly blue women, which he found ridiculous. How could one not find their beautiful blue tones undeniably alluring? It was as if the women themselves were the oceans tide, calling Jake in, a hidden siren begging him closer. He shivered at the thought.  
  
“Jake?” Dirk was surprised to see Jake at his apartment, Jake supposed they never really did visit eachother during normal daylight hours. He’d be surprised too if Dirk called over to his own home and actually used the doorbell instead of bursting through one of his windows, katana first, for another impromptu training session. Now that they lived only a short distance from eachother there was no need for Dirk’s sadistic robots, he was able to do the job himself. Jake much preferred the fights this way, finding them much more enjoyable fighting Dirk himself than a metal robot with sunglasses. Of course when Dirk was busy or sick then one of his battle bots was, of course, ordered to do the job instead.  
  
Dirk tilted his head to the side slightly and Jake realised he had been standing in front of him for an awfully long time without saying a single word. He coughed awkwardly and tugged his lips into a charismatic smile. “Hello chap!” His voice sounded strained, even to himself and he winced. “ I was wondering if.. perhaps I might be able to come in for a jiffy for a quick brew?”  
  
Dirk was tense already when opening the door but when he wordlessly moved aside to let Jake further into his apartment, his movements seemed more calculated, robotic. Or maybe Jake was just paying too much attention. Hah! He wasn’t entirely self-absorbed was he _Dirk_.  
  
Strewn all across the floor were cables and hunks of metal, nails and screwdrivers of all shapes were laid down almost as traps. Jake carefully made his way over to the worn down couch that was pressed against one of the far walls of the apartment, ensuring his feet remained unharmed by any of the small objects. Dirk followed him but didn’t sit down.  
  
“I don’t have much in here apart from coffee at the moment, my stocks have been running low lately.” Dirk threw a glance over his shoulder towards his kitchen area. If Jake didn’t know better he’d think the action was self conscious, but he knew better and guessed Dirk was instead mentally opening all of his cupboards, thinking of everything he had to offer by way of refreshments. “The water tastes just fine from the tap, too, if you’d prefer that.” Dirk shrugged, his search coming up empty.  
  
Jake smiled amiably. “Water would suit me just fine, thank you!” After a moment Dirk returned to the couch and placed a glass of water on a nearby makeshift surface which mostly compiled of books stacked between pieces of scrap metal and handed the other glass to Jake who took it gratefully.  
  
Dirk then sat down beside Jake, keeping a distance between them. Jake refused to dwell on the feeling of disappointment that settled in him. “As much as I enjoy our, admittedly too rare, bro-time, Jake. Was there any particular reason for you coming over or did you just wanna jam?” He gestured over to where his computer sat, the screen had now switched to it’s energy saving mode which Dirk had apparently set to play a slideshow that was half My Little Pony screencaps and half Puppets involved in situations Jake wasn’t too keen on witnessing. “I was kind of in the middle of something.”  
  
“Oh! Of course, I’m sorry! I should’ve texted first to see if you were free..” Jake made to stand up but Dirk put his hand on Jake’s forearm, guiding him back down.  
  
“It can wait.” Jake was caught off-guard by the softness of his voice and took a sip from his drink to distract himself from his racing heartbeat.  
  
He placed the glass down and took a steadying breath. “So...” Jake started and immediately stopped. He allowed himself a moment to consider his next sentence. “ I suppose... I wanted to discuss a topic that has been right _iggin_ ’ me as of late.” He cast a glance over to Dirk, watching for any reactions. When Dirk failed to provide any Jake continued. “I understand it’s probably an awfully belated time to be asking this but..” He paused. Beside him Dirk now shifted. It wouldn’t have been a noticeable action if Jake wasn’t already hyper-aware of his presence. Jake’s throat felt tight but he forced the question out regardless. He had to know... “Dirk.. you’re one of my dearest friends, you know this of course. We’ve known eachother for donkeys years at this point! Heaven knows we’ve been through many a prickly situation together over the years but we’ve never quite found the time to.. talk to one another about... certain shared moments of our lives, and oh! What a life we have lived! Many memories has been made with you by my side and i wouldn’t have had it any other way.”  
  
They both knew Jake was stalling, his words falling quickly from his mouth, rambling to avoid saying anything particularly meaningful. Dirk was getting tired of listening to Jake work himself into a frenzy and so he sighed, and interrupted Jake’s train-wreck of thoughts. “What is it you want to talk about man. I’m approximately three percent ears if you’re not counting sensory nerves, and as much as I’m totally stoked to reminisce about our wild youth, something tells me that’s not actually why you’re here.”  
  
Jake laughed nervously. “No, not quite. Uhm...”  
  
A tense moment passed between the two of them. Was it even worth asking? What if Jake ruined his relationship with Dirk by bringing up somewhat unsavoury topics. His main motive behind asking was to settle this uncomfortable feeling that had been shadowing Jake for the past few weeks. Would it be selfish to ask? He didn’t think so... but apparently most of the time he didn’t think enough before speaking. He sighed. He needed to know. He wanted things to go differently this time with them. He didn’t want to run away.  
  
“We’ve been having quite a number of.. I daresay _secret_ rendezvous and I felt it would be important for us to clarify if this dittying was simply tomfoolery or perhaps... _more_.” Jake couldn’t will himself to look at Dirk as he spoke, he could feel his cheeks getting hot.  
  
Dirk was silent for a long couple of seconds before finally responding. “Let me just get this straight. You want to know if we’ve been hooking up casually or if there’s some potential for a more emotionally involved motivation?” Dirk shrugged carelessly. “I’m in more of the state of mind that it isn’t so much ‘hooking up’ as it is... just another area of training for you. You need to think of your fans, of course.” He gestured with his hand so to convey his polite yet implied, _Duh_. “How would they feel knowing that sex icon Jake English was pretty much clueless when it came to getting wet n’ wild? That ass shouldn’t just be for show. It’s bad for business. Virgins are totally last universe man, keep up.”  
  
Jake blinked. He wasn’t entirely sure what answer he was expecting to get from Dirk.. but this certainly wasn’t it. “So it’s... work related?” Jake struggled to connect the two in his head clearly but every inch of his mind was leaping at the idea. Work. It’s only for work! It doesn’t mean anything more, simply two business men striving towards greatness, bettering themselves in every aspect known to man. Jake gladly accepted this reasoning and embedded it in his mind as fact. Nothing to worry about anymore, nothing to see there, classified meetings, to be thoroughly kept out of the eyes of any unauthorized civilians.  
  
The more Jake played around with the idea in his mind the more it began sounding full of adventure. All this sneaking around, these top secret exchanges... why Jake felt like a spy, doing his duty for the planet and for his people. If Jake was to be the public Idol, he may as well embrace all responsibilities that title came with. There was no way he’d let his loyal fans down!  
  
“Dirk, you mastermind! Always with your nose to the grind. You never do take any breaks do you pal!” Jake slapped a hand down on Dirk’s knee and smiled.  
  
“Personal trainers don’t get breaks Jake, we need to always be on that ball. Hitting that mental grind twenty-four-seven. I am a martyr to your cause.” The sincerity in Dirk’s voice caused a small unexpected giggle to burst from Jake. For a couple of seconds they sat in comfortable silence. Jake’s shoulders felt... undeniably lighter after their conversation. It had all been so easy to talk about, he felt foolish for worrying about it all so much. But there was a hint of something else, nagging at the back of his mind. That could be another problem for another day, Jake decided. His hand still sat on Dirk’s knee, his warmth radiating through his jeans so Jake could feel it on his palm.  
  
The moment was broken abruptly by Dirk sitting up straighter, dislodging Jake’s hand with the jostling. “Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about too.” He began. Jake turned to face him properly, showing that he had his full attention. As soon as Jake’s body had turned fully towards him, Dirk smoothly lifted his hand to place a thumb under Jake’s chin, applying pressure so his head was lifted slightly. Jake felt stunned at the touch. Dirk’s fingers soon replaced the spot where his thumb was as it moved up to trace the shape of Jake’s bottom lip. He wasn’t gentle about the action, his calloused fingers pressing into Jake’s sensitive skin, tugging his lip as he went. With the same force his parted Jake’s lips with his thumb, running it across the opening. He could feel Jake’s breath catch before breathing out unsteadily.  
  
“Dirk-” Jake began, voice trembling. Dirk shushed him and leaned forward, replacing his thumb with his lips so quickly Jake wasn’t sure how to react at first, but soon he melted into the touch. His mouth moving against Dirk’s effortlessly. He let Dirk guide their movements, taking lead of the pace they went. His fingers, still holding Jake’s chin, tugged him closer before crawling to the back of Jake’s neck to hold him in place. Jake’s own hands found themselves wondering Dirk’s body, one on his torso and the other knotted in his impossibly soft hair. He always wondered what products Dirk used to get that much volume and hold yet to have it fall apart in Jake’s fingers like a cloud, only to come back together undisturbed.  
  
Too soon Dirk pulled away, dropping his hands back down to his side without any warning, leaving Jake chasing after him, unsure of what just happened. Dirk pushed him back lightly with a hand on Jake’s chest. “So we’re going to need to do some more work on _that_.” Dirk said and stood up, retrieving his untouched glass from the surface as he went, sipping from it. Jake’s brain struggled to catch up. He stared at Dirk, confusion evident on his face.  
  
“No offense dude, and I mean as this as one of your best bros, you’re not a great kisser.”  
  
The comment came as a slap to the face leaving Jake feeling stung. He actually just so happened to think of himself as a somewhat decent kisser for someone who had kissed as few people as he had! His mind was reeling. “Pardon?” He choked out.  
  
“I’ve been wanting to say it for some time, didn’t really know how to bring it up. I didn’t want to wound your pride or anything but as your manager..” A single eyebrow quirked above Dirk’s sunglasses. “ I think it’s something we need to work on.”  
  
Jake, defensively crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And what is so bad about my kissing?” He could feel his heartbeat speeding up but he wasn’t sure if it was from the insult or from the lingering feeling of Dirk’s lips. The second he’d asked the question, he immediately regretted it as Dirk shot off into a whole list of things Jake could improve on including; “chill out with the hair dude, this baby doesn’t style itself in the morning and if you wake it up now it’ll only throw a tantrum so loud no babysitter will ever come back again. I get the attraction but show some respect Jake.” and “watch those teeth of yours too man, biting is good in most people books but only when it’s intentional and playful, getting slowly gnawed on doesn’t exactly get the engine pumping yknow?” and “listen I get that I got a hot bod goin’ on and I can’t blame you for wanting to get your hands all over this, hell I would too if I was you, these abs are solid. But maybe stop feeling me up like you’re looking for your glasses on the floor after you’ve dropped them. I’m not a piece of _meat_ Jake.”  
  
Dirk continued with his listing, eventually even getting a piece of paper to write down some key areas Jake “should think about working on”, he left no spaces for Jake to interrupt him. Although, it wasn’t like Jake had anything he could coherently form in his mind to interrupt Dirk with. The most he was capable of was nodding, attempting to take Dirk’s opinions into account. When Dirk seemed to no longer be able to think of anything else he turned back to Jake and tilted his head.  “That’s just the beginning though, we have a lot of areas to work on before you can reach your true potential, but they can wait for another time. Soon you’ll be the best damn bachelor on this planet.” He smirked but then gestured to the door. “But for now... Parting truly is such sweet sorrow but I really do need to get back to my work, I’m sure you’re the same.”  
  
Jake nodded and stood, gathering the pages of criticism and shoving them into his pocket for future reference. “Of course! I’ve been hogging your whole day, haven’t I? Sorry about that Dirk!” He still wasn’t entirely sure what to make of everything that had just happened between them, but it wasn’t unusual for Dirk to kick someone out of his home when he’d felt they’d overstayed their welcome. He’d never be rude about it but if Jake stayed any longer he knew he’d run the risk of annoying Dirk which wasn’t his intentions at all so he hurried to make his way to the door.  
  
They stood in front of eachother in the doorway. Jake bit his lip. “I’m... I’m glad we talked Dirk.” He said honestly, looking into Dirk’s dark frame, hoping their eyes happened to meet. “I feel communication's been an important missing aspect of our friendship in previous years and golly I’ll be the first to admit it was my fault.” He swallowed. “I suppose what I’m trying to say is.. thank you for allowing me this chance to talk with you and for being such a standup guy as usual.” He smiled widely at Dirk who’s lips slowly curled into a small reserved smile in response. It was a smile Jake hadn’t seen in a long time... not since they were teenagers. Butterflies knocked against the walls of his stomach frantically at the sight.  
  
Dirk lifted a knuckled which Jake immediately bumped. “I’ll see you on set tomorrow, you better bring your a-game.”  
  
“I won’t be going down without a fight man!” Jake waved as he began down the hallway, calling out behind him, “And leave the darts at home this time!”  
  
Dirk only chuckled lightly and closed the door. Jake would do anything to keep that man laughing, even fighting Lord English alone if it meant he’d get to see that genuine smile on his face just one more time... Jake returned home with a light heart and a feeling of hope for this blossoming new leaf of their relationship, passing the time of his walk thinking of new ways he might get Dirk to let his guard down. Even if it was just for one moment with him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha you thought I abandoned this fic?? Guess what  
> s o d i d I  
> Here we all are anyway, enjoy some good ol' Stressed Dirk content lol

Dirk usually found that he worked best at night. Morrnings were for making plans and helping Jane with her campaign, maybe even paying Roxy a visit if he was feeling up to a casual catch-up. Out of all of Dirk’s friends they were the easiest one to talk to lately, there was no bullshit with elections, the economy, _Jake_. Just good ol’ Roxy and him, shooting the shit. They were busy more often than not lately though, he hadn’t even been able to get them on the phone for longer than a few minutes before Calliope swooped in and stole them away.

  
It didn’t exactly bug him too much, they were allowed to be wrapped up in eachother, love and shit did that to people. Or so Dirk had heard. He wasn’t exactly a connoisseur of romance despite how often he acted as a wingman. He took it as a compliment that people trusted him with unraveling their feelings and pointing them in the right direction for love even if his one and only relationship had completely blown up in his face. Turns out trying to initiate a relationship through decapitation wasn’t as foolproof as he’d originally thought. Dirk tried to push the memory out of his mind. He’d spent years analyzing and reanalyzing his past relationship with Jake, each time it led to an uncomfortable feeling of regret and.. embarrassment. The second being decidedly worse. He’d put his heart on the line and had it swallowed whole while he was caught off guard. _Stop thinking about this_ , Dirk ordered himself, his stomach was beginning to feel queasy again the longer he dwelled on the matter. Besides, he was over Jake. Yeah he’s a hot dude with a great ass and dazzling smile. Yes he was practically the embodiment of handsome, every inch of his body was decently toned, especially those _thighs_. But he was one of Dirk’s best bros. He was allowed to appreciate Jake’s attractive features and properly utilize them in “ _Rumble in da pumpkin patch_.” Dirk had always wondered if Jake was mad at him when he chose that name, clearly he was trying to spite him.

  
Dirk groaned and threw his spanner down onto the floor. His muscles were tense so he tried rolling his shoulders to ease them somewhat, but it was to no avail. Dirk usually found that he worked best at night, but not during the nights where he was plagued with his thoughts. He was used to being surrounded with his own mind, hell he lived his own auto-responder for years, back and forth conversations with himself were second nature to him and usually provided some worthwhile intellectual stimulation. No-one else would give him the time of day to talk about the wonders of MLP either. So naturally he found himself quite content alone. Sometimes he missed his auto-responder, now the only tormenting he endured was from inside his own mind, which was a battlefield he was ashamed to say he hadn’t mastered yet. It was harder to hash out an argument when he had a million little voices screaming bloody murder at him, a situation he found himself in tonight. Every moment he had his eyes closed an image of Jake’s face appeared, apologetic, biting his lip... He couldn’t look Dirk in the eyes. They both had wanted to make it work, they wanted to fix what had broken between them, but unfortunately the foundations they had built was not made to withstand the new relationship they had thrown themselves into. You couldn’t fix what was never supposed to work in the first place.  
  
Dirk’s heart squeezed in his chest and he stood up subconsciously, trying to remove himself from the moment, from that memory. He needed to leave his apartment for a while, take a walk, get some fresh air. He wasn’t running away, he assured himself, just simply... taking a breather from it all. He wasted no time grabbing his coat and throwing himself out the door, taking the steps two at a time. In his hurry he nearly tripped a couple of times, barely catching himself in time on the barrier. His feet finally reached the end of the stairs, his arms outstretched towards the door ready to thrust it open, revealing the dark night sky above him. The roads were slightly illuminated by gentle lampposts that stood to the side on the pavements, the moon let out a soft glow on the surroundings. Dirk took a moment at the front door of his apartment complex to breath.  
  
_In and out_.. he told himself. In for four seconds... hold for seven seconds.... and out for eight. His heart hammered in his chest as he repeated the mantra in his head. _In and out_. He could barely hear himself over the booming in his head but eventually, with a lot of focus and discipline the noise in his mind quietened. Dirk closed his eyes.. breathed, and listened as the wind rustled leaves on the nearby trees. The chill air prickled his skin, blowing through his hair and relaxing him greatly. He instantly remembered the years of his youth, sitting outside on the roof of his home. Just him and his fishing rod, looking out into the sea, as the wind blew through him until his body trembled. For him that roof area was his escape, not that he was getting particularly far and when his autoresponder was built that never really left him either, but emotionally... it was something other than the restricting confines of his bedroom. It gave him the change he needed, a space that was so serene and beautiful that he could let his mind clear for a moment of all his fears, his worries, all that bothered him. Out there on that rooftop, his legs dangling over the edge.. Dirk could just.. _be_. He rarely went there though, for fear of it losing it’s meaning for him. Such power couldn’t be abused. When he left his room and headed for that rooftop it _had_ to help him. It meant there was nothing else for him inside, nothing more he could do to calm his nerves, to silence his mind. It wasn’t running away, he always assured himself, he was just simply.. taking a breather from it all.  
  
In all the years since Dirk’s home was destroyed after beginning sburb... he never once missed it. It was hard to miss an apartment that felt more like a prison, especially one that had been recreated so many times within sburb and now on this new "perfect" world. He had no need to miss his old room, but he missed that rooftop. That was the one thing this new world could never recreate for him and he felt.. helpless over it, he would never let himself think it, he was managing just fine without that concrete uncomfortable roof that left his ass sore after hours sitting in one spot... but on days that he was managing less well, on the days when winning sburb felt impossible, on the days when Jake would run from him, ignore him... he missed that rooftop. He missed having that escape.  
  
Now, as Dirk reopened his eyes and looked up at the night sky above him, his pulse still hammered hard against his body, his palms were sweaty despite the chill that ran down his spine and, for the first time he let himself think it, he missed that little haven he had.  
  
This world may be perfect for others, it may have been built with each and every inhabitant in mind equally, but it missed one crucial thing for Dirk and his entire body ached for it. Once he tried to explore every inch of land for something.. anything that made him feel the same tranquility of that rooftop, but nothing did. The gorgeous forests, the still lakes, peaceful rivers... it all felt empty. It seemed that for Dirk everything felt empty lately. Jake was the only thing that made him feel. His feelings for Jake were purely platonic nowadays, he knew where they stood and he had no wish to change that position anymore, sure sometimes they fooled around.. but it was all just from a force of habit, a memory of the past with a hint of post-sburb frustration from this meaningless life they had all found themselves in. Dirk was content like this, so long as he had Jake by his side, filming their show together or sparring. So long as he was with Jake he would be okay.  
  
He hadn’t realised when his feet had started moving but he was now walking, no.. running away from his apartment complex towards a destination his mind hadn’t yet registered. His thoughts were a blur, but now of confusion and desire. He wasn’t haunted by the thought of Jake and his failures anymore, instead he was being lured towards a place of hope and comfort, the closest he could come to the feeling of sitting on that rooftop again.  
  
His legs carried him further. He was panting at this point, but not heavily, he had spent too long working on his stamina to let a short run wear him down. Besides he needed more energy for the rest of the evening. This was only the beginning. He felt hazy and drunk, his surroundings blurred into a mesh of lights and trees, causing them to appear as if they were glowing, illuminating his path as though pointing him in the right direction. He knew what he needed, he knew who he needed. His safe place, his haven... No-one could know about it. He didn’t want to spoil the secrecy, the feeling of security that came with the lack of questions and explanations.  
  
He could simply be.  
  
That was all he needed.  
  
Dirk stopped running. He needed to catch his breath before he rang the doorbell. He needed to be stable. He fought with his lungs to cooperate, and composed himself. He lifted a shaking hand which he willed to still and knocked on the door, deciding it was best in case he was asleep.  
  
_Calm_ , Dirk reminded himself.  
  
His mouth felt dry.  
  
_Calm..._  
  
There was still no answer. He was losing control of himself again, he could feel it...  
  
_Calm._  
  
His body was beginning to tremble. He’d wait only another few seconds before he had to leave, he’d find a plan B. He had no other choice. He needed something.  
  
_Calm!_  
  
The door opened. Every muscle in Dirk’s body suddenly relaxed and his lungs that were once tight and struggling now felt full and pliant. It was as though that breath of fresh air he was searching for had finally entered him. In front of him stood Jake, his hair slightly tousled, he must have been asleep, Dirk felt slightly guilty for waking him up. Jake was shirtless, wearing only light satin pajama pants and socks. He was obviously tired, his eyes barely focused but Dirk couldn’t help thinking that they lit up when they saw him. Jake opened his mouth to speak but a yawn escaped first.  
  
“Oh excuse me chum, you caught me mid winks I’m afraid, is it midnight? If I knew you’d be coming over I would have stayed awake..”  
  
Dirk was confused by Jake's words. He checked his phone quickly, the display showing that it was in fact exactly midnight, turning to 1 minute past under his gaze. He didn’t dwell on that, instead focusing on the guilt in Jake’s voice for falling asleep, did he usually stay up for him? Dirk hadn’t ever let himself consider that possibility when he’d come over to Jake already readying his guns. Even now with the idea in his mind it felt too much like a pipe dream. No, thinking about all of this was exactly why Dirk had tried to avoid by coming here.  
  
He shook his head ever so barely, ridding his mind of the unwanted questions physically.  
Jake in front of him looked so calm, so at peace in front of Dirk, looking up at him with big eyes, growing more attentive the longer he stayed awake for. He didn’t seem annoyed by Dirk’s presence and made no move to tell him to leave and let him sleep.  
  
Dirk held onto that observation and took out his katana with a flick of his wrist, as he always did, and smirked at Jake, an expression which he could feel was turning out softer than he’d hoped for, his lips tugging into a shape that more resembled a crooked smile.  
  
“Wanna spar?”


End file.
